About the Author

DONNETTE ALFELT
I am the mother of five and grandmother of 13. I have been a widow since 1981. I am not a professional, but have been studying and been involved in bereavement since the eighties. In 1982 I trained as a bereavement counselor for hospice. I attended additional seminars and workshops on grief and found myself collecting books and material on this topic. I worked for hospice for a time but then started leading my own groups with a different focus. My groups have all been made up of husbands and wives who consider themselves still married to their deceased partners. We get together to remember them and to  explore ways to work on our marriages in anticipation of the time we will be reunited. Unlike typical bereavement groups, this group is made up of members whose husbands and wives left this world from months to years to even decades ago. Most, but not all of the members of my present group are members of the New Church (Swedenborgian). The New Church teaches that true married love continues in the next life. “Those in true marriage love are not separated by the death of one since the spirit of the deceased dwells continually with the spirit of the one not yet deceased until the later dies, they are reunited and love each other more tenderly than before because in the spiritual world.”
I decided to start this website because I want to share the thoughts and feelings of our gatherings to those who do not feel comfortable about being in  groups or are not able to join us. I also hope that this will reach people of any religion who know in their hearts that the death of their spouse is not the end of their relationship.
Some have asked me how it is possible to work on your marriage when your spouse has passed on. The work for widows and widowers is not very different from any married couple. The most important work of marriage is working on yourself while honoring the marriage.  To show respect and love for your partner and find ways to understand him or her better is to work on your marriage. To avoid anything that defiles marriage or would hurt your spouse is to work on your marriage. To become a better person is to work on your marriage. To follow the Lord is to work on your marriage.
I learn from every new person who joins my group. I hope you will learn something helpful while reading this blog.

Donnette Alfelt